Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

Transitions.

Tuesday, September 9th, 2008
This is #9 out of 25 Tips to Become More Productive and Happy at Work.

Transitions. Make sure you plan in enough time between activities and appointments, and find ways to fail proof being on time.

I always underestimate how much time I need to finish something, so I’m often rushing from place to place with no time to spare.  This lifestyle is strenuous, and it is not very happy OR productive.   I’m slowly learning to make more realistic assessments of how much time I have and how much time I need to achieve a goal.

I think the instruction to “make sure you plan in enough time between activities and appointments, and find ways to fail proof being on time” could be extended to include your emotions and relationships.  For example, a speedy transition from singleness to marriage would probably lead to problems down the road, if you and your partner haven’t taken time to develop a full understanding of one another.

Similarly, hurrying through the transitory stages of grief or failing to take enough time to adjust to moving to a new city might create more emotional or organizational disruptions for you than would have been created otherwise, if you took your time and eased through these processes.

-MJ

Achieving Happiness: Ability to connect to others established in childhood

Friday, August 29th, 2008

 

 Love is a key ingredient of happiness. Having people in your life that care about you provides a deep feeling of security. Being in a relationship in which you and your partner are meeting one another’s needs is tremendously satisfying. However, there are several varieties of love – only one of which makes people happy.

Recently, researchers have provided an understanding of how an unhealthy pattern of parent-child love adversely affects an adult relationship. The attachment between a parent and child has been well researched. But it has only been in the last few years that researchers have found a way to help adults with a history of dysfunctional relationships have a healthy loving connection.

The research has revealed three patterns of parent-child attachment. Children have two basic drives – exploration and safety – that govern their behavior. Kids need to explore and their playful pursuits help them gain the skills they need for mastering their environment. But children also need to stay safe in order to survive.

Click here for the full article.

I have an idea that might make the world a happier place.

Try to smile at every child, even tiny babies, whenever they make eye contact with you.  Maybe that child will grow to feel like the world is a welcoming, optimistic place.  Maybe it will help that child grow up to be a happier person than he or she would otherwise.

-MJ

Marriage On Its Way Towards Losing that Happiness Edge

Tuesday, August 12th, 2008

Proponents of marriage like to toss around the statistic that married people (and married men in particular) are happier and healthier than the wretched ranks of the unwed. But new research has found that the happiness/health gap is narrowing, not because the married crew is losing its happy glow (though that may indeed be occurring), but because the single component is getting happier.

The study, led by Hui Liu, assistant professor of sociology at Michigan State University, used data from the National Health Interview Survey from 1972 to 2003. The researchers found that while the self-reported health of the married is “still better than that of the never-married,” the “gap has closed considerably.” Single women shouldn’t rejoice just yet: The uptick was due overwhelmingly to improvements in the health of never-married men. Liu thinks that this result may be “partly because never-married men have greater access to social resources and support that historically were found in a spouse.” (Female robots, perhaps? Or Internet porn?) Still, single women also saw an increase, and the singles health boost also spread across racial lines to both blacks and whites.

Click here for the full article.

The results of this study don’t really surprise me.  I know a lot of very happy single people (and while I’m not single now, I would say that I was very happy being single, too).  They just focus on work, school, friendships, and hobbies, and don’t let themselves dwell on their singleness or let themselves feel lonely.   They learn to be happy with what they do have and not worry about what they don’t have.  What do you think?

-MJ

Women Are Happy Being Single

Wednesday, April 16th, 2008

It seems that Bridget Jones has been ousted by a new breed of women who are happy being single and living alone.

“Freemales” is the label that has been given to the growing number of women content in their single life.

The latest research from the Office for National Statistics shows the number of women living alone, between the age of 25 and 44, has doubled in the past two decades.

And research also shows single women no longer feel they need to be in a relationship to be happy.

More and more women are shunning the idea of marriage in favour of living alone and increasing numbers of women are divorcing and staying single.

These single women are happy with their lives and content with the intimacy they get from other close relationships with family and friends.

In fact, their lives are so full with work and socialising they have little time to worry about finding Mr Right.

This just goes to show that it’s far more important to have stable and supportive relationships in your life, than it is to find a partner just for the sake of having one.

Click here for the full article.

Happiness and having kids? Do they mix?

Friday, April 11th, 2008

…I have no doubt that there are parents who reflexively rank parenthood as their No. 1 joy in life because they think they’re supposed to. On the other hand, there’s a big difference between finding happiness in parenting and finding happiness in every minute of every day spent caring for kids. Parenthood can be intense and exhausting, hilarious and tedious, all in the same day; and 1-year-olds don’t always make the best conversationalists. But the satisfaction of parenthood isn’t something you can take apart, rating each little task to come up with an average “happiness score.” Like all relationships, raising kids is too complex for that…

Click here for the full article.

Why am I alone? Oops, wrong question for finding happiness

Friday, April 11th, 2008

When I lived in the country one summer an ad for a local dating service would come on the radio every time I drove around.

“But I’m as pretty and interesting and nice as my friends. Why am I single?” a petulant voice would say. Then an announcer would cut in and tell her to go to speed-shuffle date night; her friends would soon be choking with envy, he’d imply, and each time I’d think, ‘Yeah, right.’

Okay, she existed in drive-time and was doomed to lament her situation every 15 minutes, but that wasn’t what made me doubt that she was heading toward paired happiness. It was the question. She was asking the wrong one.

Click here for the full article.

What is happiness? Sex, love and the push-up bra

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008

You may have caught that little news factoid recently that stipulated sex might just be a cure for the female blues. Which is good news really (especially for the gents trying to cheer up their surly ladies) considering a whopping estimated 800,000 Aussies suffer from depression each year. So what better antidote could there be for the blues (other than chocolate) than getting frisky between the sheets?

“Having sex helps them feel that closeness and security,” surmises Dr Sabura Allen, clinical psychologist and the lead researcher in the Monash University study.

The findings revealed that women associate sex with love (much to the horror of male booty-call buddies!).

The study also discovered that, surprisingly, single women have less sex than single men, which makes you wonder who all these men are getting it on with in the first place …

Two blokes, David Blanchflower, a Dartmouth College economist, and Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in England, undertook a similar survey. They polled 16,000 people and found that sex is so important to happiness, we should be increasing it’s frequency from once a month to once a week, (hear that folks?). Adding fuel to the more-sex debate is the fact that the happiness generated from the increased hanky-panky is equivalent to being told you’re getting a $50,000 raise on your income!

Economists have also calculated that a lasting marriage equates to the happiness generated by getting an extra $100,000 each year. (Divorce depletes happiness levels equivalent to losing $66,000 annually.)

Click here for the full article.